What does it mean to follow the Premier League in America?

The end of August and beginning of September, for many Americans, means that NFL and College Football begin any minute. It means baseball is approaching its post-season, which, it could be argued, is the exciting part of the year for baseball. It means the start of the race to the Superbowl, and all the drama and tension that comes along with professional football. It means arguing over the BCS rankings and wild predictions regarding which University will be able to dominate all others and win a national championship. It means tailgates, fantasy leagues, and endless Sportscenter broadcasts.

For a small minority of people here in the US, it means the start of the English Premier League. The Premier League, along with Germany's Bundesliga, Italy's Serie A, and Spain's La Liga, is considered among the best football leagues in the world. Showcased in this league are some the worlds best players, some of the worlds greatest teams, and some of the worlds most passionate supporters.

To follow the Premier League in the US is trying, however. It means waking up very early on Saturday and Sunday mornings, and often having to miss games midweek. While lucky Britons get to watch their games at reasonable evening hours, for us it means sacrificing our only opportunities for sleeping late in order to see all the action. It means sometimes not seeing your game, especially if you happen to support any teams other than Chelsea, Man U, Liverpool or Arsenal. It means having to call it "soccer," or risk confusing everyone around you.

In the US, there are only a few ways to view Premier League matches. For those of us with basic cable, such as yours truly, there is the Fox Soccer Channel. They tend to carry a few games on Saturday, fewer on Sunday, and the occasional midweek game. FSC also broadcasts a handful of Serie A games, which I have found to be the best sleep aid known to man. (I put on Juventus vs Roma, for instance, and within minutes, I am unconscious. I recommend this for all insomniacs.) FSC also broadcasts Major League Soccer (MLS,) United Soccer Leagues (USL,) and even Womens Professional Soccer (WPS), all of which are the American attempts at the game. Fox Soccer also broadcasts some of its own programs, which are notable for low production value and American reporters who always seem to have foreign accents even they are not, well, foreign. I haven't done any research into their viewership or numbers, but I feel like FSC is probably on the low end of ratings for the Fox corporation. How do I know? Proactiv, that's how. Proactiv is an anti-acne line of creams and lotions which must, like most beauty products, be aimed at young girls and teenagers of all kinds. Advertising time on Fox Soccer must be really cheap, as this can be the only explanation as to why I see so many motherfucking Proactiv advertisements while watching Premier League. Someone should tell Proactiv about target demographics. After all, how many fifteen year old girls are watching Aston Villa play Stoke? Honestly. Fox Soccer does redeem itself, though. Every day, we Americans get to watch Sky Sports News, a slick, Sportscenteresque program (or should I say programme?) that covers the Premier League, the lower divisions, and all other sports enjoyed in the UK. Watching professional darts coverage always puts a smile on my face.

Another option is Setanta America, whose European counterpart went Bankrupt earlier this year. That fact boggles the mind. How does a sports carrier fail? In any case, Setanta America is available through Satellite, or at least that's what I've been told. It requires a subscription, but subscribing to Setanta also means potentially watching a great deal more Premier League, as well as the Coca-Cola Championship (formerly First Division,) Rugby, Cricket, and an assortment of other Euro-sports. Setanta usually has the more interesting games, while FSC shows you Portsmouth vs Blackburn. Well, thats not always true, and I'd still watch that game. But you get the idea.

Then we have ESPN and Fox Sports. ESPN, who usually show the more popular sports in the US, occasionally show a live game, although I feel like it's more common to see a replay of a Saturday game on a Tuesday morning. ESPN, however, has stepped in to take charge in Europe by buying the rights to the games Setanta lost by going under. Their coverage in Europe might be different, but it is indeed painful at best to listen to the American anchors share poorly informed commentary during EPL matches. Fox sports also shows a game or two here and there, but you can't really rely on them either.

Therefore, the American Premiership enthusiast must rely on a local bar, somewhere in their city, to be the one place that shows games. If you live in a small town or rural area, you are essentially fucked unless you feel like you want to spend some money on satellite and subscription fees. But if your reasonably sized city or metropolitan area does, in fact, have at least one place that will help to feed your football addiction, you will probably end up there. In my case, here in Austin, we go to one of three places I can think of that actually open early enough and play the games I want to see. One is more of a restaurant and caters to Chelsea fans. Needless to say I almost never go there. The other is a bar whose inconsistency and obvious Liverpool bias makes it equally unpleasant. The bar that my fellow Hammers supporters and I attend is an "Irish" pub, complete with assorted antique crap on the walls, intended to make you feel like you're in the old country circa 1884. It is a franchise, it is expensive, and sometimes it smells like feet have been vomiting, but it is the place that shows our games. In every place in the US, it is always a bar that shows the games that you spend so many mornings at, yet curiously, you refuse to be seen there at night, preferring instead to go to a more enjoyable establishment. I have, however, come to enjoy going there, although if they ceased to show Premier League matches, I would never set foot inside again.

For me, Saturday morning goes a little something like this:
8:00 am - Wake up, come to terms with hangover/lack of sleep/irritated girlfriend.
8:30 am - Leave for bar. It's important to leave on time, since there's some sort of asinine festival or marathon every fucking weekend here. Why do people feel the need to run in groups?
9:00 am - Game(s) begin. Sometimes they are on earlier, but it's rare that I'll break my ass to get to the bar unless West Ham is playing.
9:50 am - Halftime. Cigarettes, bathroom, drinks refreshed.
10:36 am - Warm tea ordered. Yelling at Arsene Wenger has damaged my vocal chords.
11:05 am - Lull in the bar between games. Celebratory yelling or weeping as needed.
11:30 am - Next game(s).
1:15 pm - Return to the house to read football news. Turn on Inter vs Torino. Instant coma ensues.

Sundays are similar. And this is what I do with my weekend.

In short, American soccer lovers have to complete with other sports for what any bar will show, have to endure early mornings, and are forced to deal with a scarcity of TV channels and venues with which to enjoy their game. It's difficult, it's lonely, and it really sucks sometimes. But I wouldn't trade my Saturday mornings for anything else.


(Except for getting to live in London and season tickets.)