And the theme of this years Premier League season is...

Bizarre Kits!

It appears that rugged individuality has triumphed over aesthetic common sense.

West Ham shocked some of us with their away kit, which I must admit I rather like. It's very, how shall I put this, blue. But it looks sharp.
Many were not happy with our home kit, but I think it's quite good. Now that there's three claret and blue teams, why not spice things up with a tribute to Umbro's signature 80's and 90's jerseys?


Everton has a horrid, sailor like kit for their home fixtures.


Awful, huh? But not as bad as their away kit...

Just fucking terrible! It's like a nightclub circa 1987 exploded on the pitch.

Chelsea have a strange zipper. But why? It looks like Lance Armstrong might don this top for the next Tour De France.

Remember Newcastle? Sure they got relegated, but they won't let that stop them from looking like a honey bee on some sort of childrens TV show. Here is their new away kit.


I suppose the Wolves don't have a horrid kit, just a bizarre logo reminiscent of an organization belonging to a Bond villain. Blackburn should be careful, lest manager Mick McCarthy decides to release a swarm or open a trap door on the field.

Man U appears to have also opted for the sailor look, complete with a LACE-UP CONTRAPTION!!!!!! Just unbearable.

Their home kit is also a little silly, but definitely not as embarrassing.*

Wigan appears to abandoned last years away kit, but they should reconsider. They had been going with a tried and true strategy: BLINDING YOUR OPPONENTS.



Well there you have it, folks. These oddities really stand out, especially compared with recent seasons. Is it just me, or have the designers lost their minds this year?









*I'm not embarrassed, I hate Man U. Enjoy your stupid lace up away kit.

Everything is back to normal. But hopefully not for long.

Despite an interesting start to the current Premier League season, things appear to have gone back to normal, as nature intended.

For instance, Man U, Liverpool and Everton appeared to be unable to replicate their successes from the previous season, with surprise losses and head shaking performances. It looks as if things are improving for these teams, although it must be said that Everton have an uphill battle ahead of them.

Conversely, Burnley, Wolverhampton and Sunderland look to be settling into their long and depressing battle for the bottom.

Stoke would look great in their standings if this were the end of the season, but it's not a stretch of the imagination to envision them slipping to lower half of the table, and soon.

West Ham, of course, appear to be getting comfortable in the usual position as guardians of the mid table. We're already at tenth place, and after an unimpressive draw against an unimpressive Blackburn, no one should be shocked.

Jam of the week.

I like music. So I thought I would share some with you. There will probably be a jam of the week three times a week, sometimes more than one jam at a time. So what? You got a problem with that? Fuck you.


Jam of the week: The Jam - In the City. A real classic.

What does it mean to follow the Premier League in America?

The end of August and beginning of September, for many Americans, means that NFL and College Football begin any minute. It means baseball is approaching its post-season, which, it could be argued, is the exciting part of the year for baseball. It means the start of the race to the Superbowl, and all the drama and tension that comes along with professional football. It means arguing over the BCS rankings and wild predictions regarding which University will be able to dominate all others and win a national championship. It means tailgates, fantasy leagues, and endless Sportscenter broadcasts.

For a small minority of people here in the US, it means the start of the English Premier League. The Premier League, along with Germany's Bundesliga, Italy's Serie A, and Spain's La Liga, is considered among the best football leagues in the world. Showcased in this league are some the worlds best players, some of the worlds greatest teams, and some of the worlds most passionate supporters.

To follow the Premier League in the US is trying, however. It means waking up very early on Saturday and Sunday mornings, and often having to miss games midweek. While lucky Britons get to watch their games at reasonable evening hours, for us it means sacrificing our only opportunities for sleeping late in order to see all the action. It means sometimes not seeing your game, especially if you happen to support any teams other than Chelsea, Man U, Liverpool or Arsenal. It means having to call it "soccer," or risk confusing everyone around you.

In the US, there are only a few ways to view Premier League matches. For those of us with basic cable, such as yours truly, there is the Fox Soccer Channel. They tend to carry a few games on Saturday, fewer on Sunday, and the occasional midweek game. FSC also broadcasts a handful of Serie A games, which I have found to be the best sleep aid known to man. (I put on Juventus vs Roma, for instance, and within minutes, I am unconscious. I recommend this for all insomniacs.) FSC also broadcasts Major League Soccer (MLS,) United Soccer Leagues (USL,) and even Womens Professional Soccer (WPS), all of which are the American attempts at the game. Fox Soccer also broadcasts some of its own programs, which are notable for low production value and American reporters who always seem to have foreign accents even they are not, well, foreign. I haven't done any research into their viewership or numbers, but I feel like FSC is probably on the low end of ratings for the Fox corporation. How do I know? Proactiv, that's how. Proactiv is an anti-acne line of creams and lotions which must, like most beauty products, be aimed at young girls and teenagers of all kinds. Advertising time on Fox Soccer must be really cheap, as this can be the only explanation as to why I see so many motherfucking Proactiv advertisements while watching Premier League. Someone should tell Proactiv about target demographics. After all, how many fifteen year old girls are watching Aston Villa play Stoke? Honestly. Fox Soccer does redeem itself, though. Every day, we Americans get to watch Sky Sports News, a slick, Sportscenteresque program (or should I say programme?) that covers the Premier League, the lower divisions, and all other sports enjoyed in the UK. Watching professional darts coverage always puts a smile on my face.

Another option is Setanta America, whose European counterpart went Bankrupt earlier this year. That fact boggles the mind. How does a sports carrier fail? In any case, Setanta America is available through Satellite, or at least that's what I've been told. It requires a subscription, but subscribing to Setanta also means potentially watching a great deal more Premier League, as well as the Coca-Cola Championship (formerly First Division,) Rugby, Cricket, and an assortment of other Euro-sports. Setanta usually has the more interesting games, while FSC shows you Portsmouth vs Blackburn. Well, thats not always true, and I'd still watch that game. But you get the idea.

Then we have ESPN and Fox Sports. ESPN, who usually show the more popular sports in the US, occasionally show a live game, although I feel like it's more common to see a replay of a Saturday game on a Tuesday morning. ESPN, however, has stepped in to take charge in Europe by buying the rights to the games Setanta lost by going under. Their coverage in Europe might be different, but it is indeed painful at best to listen to the American anchors share poorly informed commentary during EPL matches. Fox sports also shows a game or two here and there, but you can't really rely on them either.

Therefore, the American Premiership enthusiast must rely on a local bar, somewhere in their city, to be the one place that shows games. If you live in a small town or rural area, you are essentially fucked unless you feel like you want to spend some money on satellite and subscription fees. But if your reasonably sized city or metropolitan area does, in fact, have at least one place that will help to feed your football addiction, you will probably end up there. In my case, here in Austin, we go to one of three places I can think of that actually open early enough and play the games I want to see. One is more of a restaurant and caters to Chelsea fans. Needless to say I almost never go there. The other is a bar whose inconsistency and obvious Liverpool bias makes it equally unpleasant. The bar that my fellow Hammers supporters and I attend is an "Irish" pub, complete with assorted antique crap on the walls, intended to make you feel like you're in the old country circa 1884. It is a franchise, it is expensive, and sometimes it smells like feet have been vomiting, but it is the place that shows our games. In every place in the US, it is always a bar that shows the games that you spend so many mornings at, yet curiously, you refuse to be seen there at night, preferring instead to go to a more enjoyable establishment. I have, however, come to enjoy going there, although if they ceased to show Premier League matches, I would never set foot inside again.

For me, Saturday morning goes a little something like this:
8:00 am - Wake up, come to terms with hangover/lack of sleep/irritated girlfriend.
8:30 am - Leave for bar. It's important to leave on time, since there's some sort of asinine festival or marathon every fucking weekend here. Why do people feel the need to run in groups?
9:00 am - Game(s) begin. Sometimes they are on earlier, but it's rare that I'll break my ass to get to the bar unless West Ham is playing.
9:50 am - Halftime. Cigarettes, bathroom, drinks refreshed.
10:36 am - Warm tea ordered. Yelling at Arsene Wenger has damaged my vocal chords.
11:05 am - Lull in the bar between games. Celebratory yelling or weeping as needed.
11:30 am - Next game(s).
1:15 pm - Return to the house to read football news. Turn on Inter vs Torino. Instant coma ensues.

Sundays are similar. And this is what I do with my weekend.

In short, American soccer lovers have to complete with other sports for what any bar will show, have to endure early mornings, and are forced to deal with a scarcity of TV channels and venues with which to enjoy their game. It's difficult, it's lonely, and it really sucks sometimes. But I wouldn't trade my Saturday mornings for anything else.


(Except for getting to live in London and season tickets.)

The 2009 - 2010 Premier League Season: thoughts, predictions, and feelings

After an agonizingly long summer punctuated by the Confederations Cup and by assorted other competitions (the CONCACAF Copa De Oro, for instance,) the English Premier League has finally begun again. Like many in England and across the globe, my life again has meaning.

Although I am writing this a few weeks into the season, I feel like I might as well share my thoughts on the games that have already been played and on some of the teams performances.

Though it pains me to say it, the teams to watch this year are Tottenham and Arsenal. Tottenham Hotspur manager Harry Redknapp has a long history of great management, and in his short tenure at Tottenham he has already created a very competitive team. Players like Jermain Defoe and Robbie Keene, to name only two, are impressive on the pitch to say the least. Redknapp is generally not interested in self promotion and bragging, and has been careful in declaring his team the greatest anyone has seen in a while, but a number of people have said his team could break into the top four, or at the very least go on to play in Europe. Arsene Wenger must be feeling very happy at the moment as well, as his Arsenal side are looking better than they have in recent memory. Their victory over last years FA cup runners up Everton shocked me, at least, and their performance over soon to be relegated Portsmouth was no less impressive.

Man U began their season with a stunning defeat by recently promoted Burnley. Frankly, Man U looked confused and little silly during the match. They appear to be back on track as a very competitive team again, but their initial loss made them look beatable, which is always comforting. Liverpool has already lost twice, and if they hope to be contenders for the Premier Leagues top spot, as everyone seems to have thought they might, they had better get their act together.

The poor, poor Wolves. Wolverhamptons promotion made me happy, but one has to wonder if they will last more than this season. Such is the case with promotion teams (West Bromwich who?) although Hull has managed to hang on for another shot in the Premiership. Bolton, Blackburn and Birmingham also look to be the teams that struggle at the bottom. Conversely, Chelsea look great, which, despite irritating me greatly, could mean a chance to take the league.

And what of my West Ham? The Irons looked like they might have a good this year, or at least it appeared that way at the end of last year. Gianfranco Zola now has a little bit more experience under his belt as manager, and the younger up-and-coming players look a little sharper than before. However, it wouldn't be my Hammers without the drama and heartbreak, which I will discuss in a future post. In short, this year might be painful, but I predict a mid table finish, as always.

I'm glad that I again have an outlet for my misplaced rage, and I'm glad I have my friends with whom to enjoy these matches. Even though I am robbed of my weekend by this madness, there is next to nothing that makes me as excited as Premier League. Baseball, college football, competitive bowling - these things are trivial compared with the Premiership. The drama, the disappointment, the joy - this is what we live for!